How It Feels To Hear A Priest Call Me Gay...
It feels like a stab in the back.
Like he doesn't see me, but a lesser aspect of me. Like he won't look at me, only what he wills to see of me.
It feels like he's dismissing me.
Like I am not his spiritual daughter, but a figment of his ideology. Like I'm nothing more than a part of an agenda.
It feels like he's lying to me.
Like my father, the man in whom I should trust, has turned his back to me. Like his love is conditional, only if I agree to be seen as less than I am.
This hurts.
It hurts to not only see that priests the world over are deliberately undermining Church teaching on not only homosexuality, but human anthropology and human dignity, is sickening.
This isn't at all as shocking as it should be, but that doesn't make such blows any less painful, any less bitter, any less real.
But this is a reality. It's something I've come face to face with myself, and something that I've seen ravage the lives of friends and family members.
It just hurts... And I don't think the reality of how painful having priests turn their backs on the faithful in this way is talked about nearly enough.
I write this now in blood, poured out from my own wounded heart, crying out to be seen and heard.
I write this on the hearts of priests, bishops, and all clergy who honestly care about leading their flocks to Christ.
I write this because it pains me that I even feel like I should, and because I know I'm not the only one hurting.
In the midst of this, I am reminded of the blind man near Jericho (Luke 18: 35-43), the man who cried out to Christ even after being rebuked and told to be silent.
I am Catholic because I want the truth; I am Catholic because I want Christ.
I wonder how many people will continue to be like the men who wished to silence the blind man, later put to shame by his faith.
Let this by a cry from someone who is directly affected by pastoral ambiguity; by confusion caused by priests not practicing, or even believing, what they profess to believe.
Let this be a plea for repentance, conversion, and change.
Something has got to give, and it must not be the truth.
"'Woe to the shepherds who destroy and scatter the sheep of my pasture!' says the LORD."
- Jeremiah 23:1