Chastity Ruined My Life
I feel like I heard whispers about the Catholic Church's teachings on homosexuality back in high school. I say that because I don't remember being in class and hearing anything about it, only maybe coming across the topic in books, or hearing other people's conversations in the hall between classes.
I knew that homosexual acts were wrong, but I wasn't sure why, and honestly, due to my overwhelming desire to be romantically involved with my best friend, I really didn't care.
It was only when I got to college that I finally learned the true teachings of the Church, and I finally began to understand them. It was then that I finally came to understand the teachings about chastity, not only for those with same-sex desires, but for everyone.
I read a bit about chastity in different books and in different talks that I would find on YouTube. I went to the Catechism to do some research, and things finally began to click.
This also meant that a lot of things in my life had to change. I was pretty confused angry for a while. These teachings on chastity were changing everything I knew and believed for the majority of my young life.
Chastity was ruining my life.
And it ruined my life in the most beautiful way possible.
"God is love and in himself lives a mystery of personal loving communion. Creating the human race in his image. . ., God inscribed in the humanity of man and woman the vocation, and thus the capacity and responsibility, of love and communion."
CCC, 2331
Society has done an excellent job of getting us to forget what love we are capable of. We think that the hook up culture, pornography, "consensual casual sex" will fulfill us as it promises it will. Yet we're left empty, feeling worthless, feeling unseen, unknown, and unloved.
Yet in our very nature, our Creator signed His Name, signed love in our blood and communion in our bones; by nature we were made for love, love that we have forgotten we're capable of, and even have the responsibility, the obligation, to love.
The virtue of chastity uprooted my long believed definition of love, that it was transactional, that it was the emotional highs, that it was the loving photos on social media despite the arguments the night before. As long as we seemed happy, everything was going to be okay. That was love, right?
No.
When I was 16, terrified that I was falling madly in love with my best friend at the time, I would go out of my way to be seen by her. I wanted her to think I was "cool," that I was special, and that I was worthy of her loving me back.
When she told me she just didn't feel the same, I was absolutely devastated. I remember lying in bed thinking that the world was collapsing on top of my chest. My world revolved around her then, and I really didn't care about God or what He thought about anything.
Chastity called me to see Christ in her, because He created her and loved her. I was using her to evoke positive emotions from me and to help me not feel so alone, which didn't even work out in the end anyway!
Chastity taught me to see Christ's on her beating heart, to hear His call to love in every breathe she took, and it completely changed my relationship with her.
Even now, as I discern the call to marriage, I hear the voice of God echoing in my chest calling me to look to Him first.
Where can love be found outside of the God Who is Love Himself, my dear friends? Who is like God in this way? Who can satisfy the hungry human heart like He can?
Where I once saw ruin and devastation because of my sexuality, I now see beauty and radiance from the Face of God present there.
I carry secrets meant only to be shared with God and one man, one man God will designate as worthy to see my secrets, know them, and love them until his last days.
Chastity told me the truth about who I was, and who I am called to be. Chastity called me worthy of authentic love, and calls me to mirror that love and spread it to all the world.
Chastity begged me not to settle for lessor loves, because I am called to be satisfied by my Greatest Love. I heard that call, my friends, and I work diligently to answer it every single day.
Chastity ruined the life I was living, the life where I was bound by the chains of immodesty, lust, and selfishness.
I'm so thankful that the Holy Spirit guided me to learn about this virtue, and I want to make the choice to live a chaste life today and every day.
Chastity set me free, my dear friends. For that, I am grateful.