Avera At SEEK 2019??
Last week, a friend of mine shared a tweet saying that I should give one of the Impact Talks at SEEK 2019. I thought it was pretty funny, until I found out he wasn't joking.
Not only that, but quite a lot of people agreed with him! I just kinda sat back and watched as my notifications were filled with more and more people chiming in their support of the idea. I was blown away to see the very least.
I'll admit, I was a bit fearful, but it got me thinking about what all has happened the past few months with this blog, and I don't think I'm that afraid anymore.
My first SEEK experience was actually SEEK 2013. My mom called me into her bedroom one day to show me this show on EWTN called SEEK the Experience. The show fascinated me; following the stories of these five different college students of different races and different backgrounds, all coming together and being transformed by Christ at this conference in Orlando, FL.
I knew I just had to go one day.
When I was a sophomore in college, I went to SEEK 2017, and the experience was more than I could've possibly imagined. I loved seeing the incredible speakers, going out to dinner with some of my Catholic Twitter friends, and walking away from that conference so on fire and so ready to take on the world.
I wondered what it would be like being a speaker one day. To be up there on that stage, sharing my message, and glorifying God to the best of my ability.
I dreamed about it, never really considering that it could be a very real possibility only a year later.
Many of you know that I got the incredible privilege of being on Leah Darrow's podcast "Do Something Beautiful" late last month. I had a great time recording the episode, and I loved getting to speak with Leah before and afterwards.
One thing that I can't thank Leah Darrow enough for was for speaking truth into my life after the show. She took me under her wing, and gave me advice about going forward.
One thing that she shared with me, a word of caution, stuck with me.
She told me that the Evil One's mission wouldn't be to keep me off the stage, it would be to get me up there before I'm ready, and tear me down in front of everyone there.
This really put things into perspective for me. While it did strike fear into me, it wasn't fear that made me want to quit altogether, it was fear that made me want to make sure that I have a solid foundation, and make sure that I know why I'm up on that stage in the first place.
See my story is not about me, my dear friends. I am but a tool in the mighty hands of the Most High. He is the one who's story I am called to tell, and I must always remember that I am not the focus.
God doesn't need me, and I know that.
But He has decided to use me; there's fire shut up in my bones now, lashing out at me, driving me to say His Name and glorify Him.
If I submit, His will will be done in me and through me. I have absolutely no idea what that will look like, but perhaps I'm not meant to.
I was talking to a dear friend of mine -- who was also supportive of the idea of me speaking at SEEK -- about my initial fears after things had calmed down. I told him that I just didn't think that I was SEEK or FOCUS material.
He then said something that called me up out of my fear, and into prayerful discernment.
"Why not?" he asked. "Jesus doesn't call you for who you hope to be He calls you for who you are."
This blog has grown nothing to something in 8 short months (8 months today), and I try my very best to be humble about that. I also try to be very obedient and remember the fact that God does not need me to be a speaker, and I am by no means God's gift to humanity in the realm of Catholicism and Homosexuality.
But it also dawned on me that when opportunities arise, we have to be EXTREMELY cautious of who we're obedient to. We must be certain that we are being obedient to God and His will, and not the fear of being unable to carry out His will.
This time last year I was fearfully hiding in the shadows because of my sexuality. I am no where near the same person I was a year ago, and who knows where I'll be a year from now!
What if God does want me up on that stage? What if He calling me to just be at that conference and have a meaningful conversation with just one person?
Who am I to deny Him of what He desires of me?
Maybe #AveraAtSEEK2019 will happen. I have no idea! Maybe if enough people want it, it may happen.
Either way, God's will will be fulfilled in the end. And that, my friends, is what I care most about.