We Can Just Be Friends.. Right?
I've talked a bit about the importance of friendship and having a support system on this blog before. Since then though, I've had a bunch of people a really pressing question.
Can it be hard being friends with other girls?
I think it's important to note that just because someone lives with SSA does not mean that they are going to be attracted to every single one of their friends of the same sex. I wouldn't like every boy that I knew if I was solely attracted to the opposite sex.
Still, it does happen. I've been very attracted to some of my friends, and it has been insanely difficult to keep chaste relationships with them.
And it's especially difficult when the feelings are mutual.
The fear of losing my friends because I can't handle being attracted to them keeps me up at night.
To be honest, I get really frustrated that I even have that fear.
It's not easy making new girl friends, wanting to get close, developing feelings for them, and then fearing that I'll have to cut them off because the way I feel about them is too overwhelming for me to handle.
At the end of the day, my goal is to get to Heaven. That's what I was created for, and that's the only thing that's going to really matter in the end.
Sometimes, that could mean losing friends. This is the very last thing that I want, but it's a reality.
I can't help other souls get to Heaven if that's not where I'm headed, so I have to be very cautious of who I spend my time with and who I let get close to me. This is no doubt one of my biggest struggles.
There are times when I'll grow close to an amazing, and I'll constantly be plagued with thoughts of being more than just friends with her. What makes it worse is the fact that I've never acted out on my SSA.
The devil loves to come to me in these times and say, "Just try it. You can't help that this is what you desire. Stop wondering what it would be like, and just go for it."
I have several friends who are now Catholic that use to live the "homosexual lifestyle." They would tell me how terrible it feels to lead lifestyle, to be controlled by those desires.
They were so miserable, and felt so empty and hopeless, and half of them couldn't even say the name "God" without going into a rage.
But the Evil One wouldn't tell me that part of the story. He would whisper to me how I would no longer wonder what it was like to be with a woman, or I would no longer how to walk around carrying the weight of my unfulfilled desires on my back.
Many times, he will tempt me by saying that I should just try it once. That one kiss, one relationship, one chance won't hurt me in the end.
Every decision we make is easier made the second time we make it. It's going to be a lot easier for me to not fall into that lifestyle if I just stay away from the beginning.
Pursuing chaste friendships with girls that I've been attracted to has been extremely difficult for me at times. Some I've had to cut off, some have stuck by me and have worked with me to keep Christ at the center of our friendship.
The relationship where Christ has been the cornerstone have lasted the longest, and are the friendships that I know are going to last the longest.
With Christ there, with His model of self-sacrificial love at the forefront of our minds, it's so much easier (and seems so much more worth it) for those friends to practice chastity with me. It makes these relationships beautiful and fruitful, and very possible.
But I'm also comfortable enough with them to tell them when I need a break, or when things are getting difficult.
We know that it's nothing personal, just that this is going to be hard at times.
I treasure those friendships, and I pray that we are able to lead one another to holiness.
So yes, my girl friends and I can be just friends, whether romantic feelings were involved or not. I just have to be cautious, very self aware, and focused on Christ crucified, and the model of love that He set for me.
It is difficult? Absolutely.
It is still worth? Absolutely.