My Girls & My SSA
I can't believe that I haven't talked about this on the blog yet, but it's definitely something that I want to talk about.
Earlier this week on Tuesday, I went to the premier of the movie Speaking to Sparrows that I had the pleasure of being a part of. One of the themes of the movie is the need for friendship and community. I have some amazing girlfriends in real life, and I love every single one of them, but it's very difficult to talk to them about living with Same-Sex Attractions because none of them struggle with it.
It would be like trying to discuss being Catholic with a non-Catholic friend, or about issues in the African-American community with a white person. They might be about to sympathize and bend a listening ear, but I don't think it can go much further than that.
For a while, around January to probably May of this year, I isolated myself from my closest friends because I felt like I just couldn't talk to them about it. The Evil One loves to make me feel isolated, because he knows that's when I begin cutting myself off. I barely left my house for 4-5 months. I switched Church's so I wouldn't ever see them (if I even went to Church), and it was just a miserable time for me.
I felt like I had no community. I didn't know anyone who carried the same cross as me, and wanted to carry it in the same way. I felt so alone, and I had no idea where to go, no one to turn to, no one to see me, know me, and want to walk with me.
A few weeks before I shared the truth of my sexuality on Twitter, I was texting a very good friend of mine whom I had met through Twitter two years or so before. I felt this tug on my heart to tell her, and so I finally just came out and said it. ("Came out"... haha get it?)
"I struggle with it, too," she said.
I was like a kid on Christmas. I was so happy! Finally, I had somewhere where I could rest, someone my heart to rest in. We are still close to this day, and I know I can confide in her about everything.
When I began sharing my posts on Facebook after I told my family about my SSA, an old acquaintance from high school told me the same thing, and I had no idea all those years we went to school together.
Another friend who heard my testimony on the Crunch has since confided in me about her SSA, and she and I have become the best of friends; another girl and I will talk for hours on the phone about our different struggles and how we can overcome them.
In the past six months I've met some incredible people girls who struggle with SSA, and want to carry their crosses with grace and who desire holiness for themselves. It has been absolutely incredible to say the very least, and I love every single one of them, and wouldn't trade their friendship for the world.
The community that I have is so necessary for my flourishing. I need to be able to share my Catholic faith and my struggles with SSA with other people. I need to be able to talk about it, and be supported by others who know the struggle well, and who carry crosses similar to mine.
One of the girls in the Speaking to Sparrows film said something so perfect; she said, "We need sisters, we weren't meant to live alone." This is absolutely true! We weren't mean to go through life by ourselves. We need to find these friends, these brothers and sisters in Christ, that can suffer with us and be there for us.
Christ had Simon help Him carry His Cross. We can't honestly believe that we don't need help if Christ Himself needed it.
I've heard the late Fr. Benedict Groeschel, C. F. R., say that Christianity is the religion of the Cross. It absolutely is. We are all called to join in the sufferings of Christ, and we cannot do that alone.
We need each other to depend on. We need people to walk to Calvary with us.
Sometimes, we just need people to love on us; I know I do. Sometimes we need to talk about life, and love, and the cross. Whatever it may be that we need, our friends can provide that for us like no other.
I'm so thankful for my girls. They make me thankful for my cross.