To FOCUS Missionaries with Students with SSA
I love FOCUS. I really do.
The university I went to my freshman year had a team of FOCUS Missionaries, and I grew to love them all. I don't even go to the school anymore and am in a FOCUS Bible study.
I actually have a very good friend that is a missionary at another university (this is his first year, so pretty please pray for him!) and he's one of the greatest people I know.
Having encountered all of these incredible men and women, I've been able to speak to a few of them about the topic of SSA. I don't believe that any of the ones that I've spoken to actually have SSA to any degree, but I do know that almost all of them have encountered students who do.
So, I wanted to give some advice and encouragement to all of my FOCUS Missionary friends about encountering students with SSA.
(I loved this SEEK Conference, by the way. 2017 was my first one, and I am absolutely going back in 2019. Thank you, FOCUS.)
In your different communities, I think it's safe to say that you will encounter several different people with SSA, and they might be in different places in their experiences with their attractions.
What I mean by this is you could very well encounter people like me, who choose not to act on our attractions; but you could also run into people who do.
For those who choose to act on their attractions, who may or may not be in in a same-sex partnership, know that they could have had to put up a major fight to be in that relationship. Their entire lives could revolve around that one person. The desire for love and intimacy is so deep seeded, and you have no idea the depths of that desire. So trying to persuade them to get out of that relationship right off the bat might not be the best thing to do.
The most practical advice I can give you for a situation like this would be to lift these souls up in prayer frequently. I mean very frequently.
Of course you and I know that what they truly desire is the love of God that cannot be outdone by any human interaction of encounter, but they might not know that. And if they are aware of that, they must be avoiding it for a reason.
All that you can do is plant seeds for the Holy Spirit to do His work. You cannot do anything to change their minds. That simply isn't your place. All that you can do is be an instrument in the hands of the Spirit of the Lord.
Diligently discern what it is that our Lord would like you to do in that situation. Pray about what relationship you are to have with those individuals, and keep Christ before you at all times.
In prayer, I say entrust their souls to the Blessed Mother. It would also be very effective if you prayed a decade of the Rosary for them.
I firmly believe that Our Lady has a very special love for those with Same-Sex Attractions. Every Catholic I know with SSA has some sort of devotion to her, and I don't think this is coincidental. Ask her to cover these souls under her mantle, and gently lead them back to her Son.
Know soul entrusted to Mary will be lead astray. Trust in our Blessed Mother.
As I mentioned before, it is also very possible to come across people who have chosen to adhere to the teachings of the Church, and not act on their attractions. This is amazing, and they should be praised for that.
Along with that though, these souls need community, and they need it desperately. If they are anything like me, the Evil One haunts these souls, and tortures them with feelings of isolation, desolation, and loneliness beyond some people's wildest dreams.
They need to know that they are welcome, that they are loved, and that they are appreciated in the community.
Reach out to them on a regular basis, invite them for coffee or drinks just to talk about life and about faith. Encourage them to join in on prayer, invite them to Mass, to holy hours, Bible studies, things of that nature. Above all, encourage prayer. Without prayer, the Evil One is sure to have his way with us.
In either situation, don't be afraid of us. We're people looking for love, just like you. Walk with us. Show us. Be good to us.
And also, please know that it isn't your job to save us.
Christ came into the world for this reason. He came to lay down His life for those He loved.
I think so often we take on this role as minister or missionary in one way or another, and we get a bit of a hero complex, wouldn't you agree? We feel like we have to come to the rescue, lead the troops and storm into battle with guns blazing and fires raging in our chests.
But it doesn't need to be like that. Honestly, I've learned the hard way that this approach does not work.
As missionaries, God has entrusted these wonderful souls to you, and that is such a beautiful thing. But remember that our Lord isn't asking you to save them; He's asking you to love them.
Aside from being attracted to other women, I love to write. I love my faith, and I love people. My SSA doesn't diminish any of my other attributes, and it surely doesn't drown them out. That same applies to others in my position. We are more than our attractions, so try not to focus to much on that one aspect of our human experience.
Learn about us, discover who we are as people, and offer to walk with us through life. Grow in relationship with us, be our friends.
At the end of the day, we will begin to see Christ in you. That's what will draw so many of us in.
Don't look at us so much as a mission, or as a project. Look at us people, just like you, with the same desire for love, and for community, and acceptance.
I think you'll find that we aren't so different from you.