I'm Not Gay | A Review of "Building A Bridge" by Fr. James Martin, SJ
So many of you guys requested that I give my thoughts on Fr. James Martin, SJ's book Building a Bridge, and I finally got my hands on a copy, so I wanted to come on to the blog and talk about some of the things that I've read.
I'm only a couple of pages in, but I did want to talk about something that really bothered me.
Keep in mind that these opinions are my own. However, I do my very best to keep in line with the teachings of the Catholic Church.
Also, in this blog in particular, I'll mostly be talking about myself, and my experiences and preferences.
A wide variety of people have asked me about my sexual orientation, and I honestly don't mind it at all. Depending on who I'm talking to though, my answer to this question changes. I do this because not every one that I run into is a Catholic, or holds the same views that I do.
When being asked about my sexuality, I'll often get the question, "Why do you identify as?"
I try not to get frustrated with this question, because I know that not a lot of people understand just what they're asking.
So, if I'm well aware that the person asking has no faith background whatsoever, I'll simply say, "I'm bi-sexual." If they ask more questions, I'll elaborate, but then and only then.
But like I said, this question really does aggravate me. In the "Why I'm Writing" section of his book, Fr. Martin notes a few things that he believes the Church should know about people in the LGBTQ+ community. One of the points that he mentions is this:
"...[n]ot every LGBT person struggles with self-acceptance; these days the process of coming to understand one's identity as an LGBT person is easier than it was just a few decades ago" (emphasis my own).
When people ask me what I "identify as," I want to insist that I am a child of God, welcomed and adopted into His family by my Baptism, and redeemed by His sacrifice on the Cross. But not everyone is going to understand what that means.
But understand this: I am not defined by my sexual orientation.
I can't water down who I am at my core by who I'm romantically attracted to. My humanity can't be reduced to that, and I honestly cannot stand when people try to insist that it can be.
These terms --- gay, lesbian, bi, even just homosexual --- they place the people who take them on inside a box. I don't like "identifying" as lesbian because that's simply not all that I am!
To me, that's an extremely degrading term, and I do not appreciate it being used to define me, or anyone else for that matter.
And I know a lot of people would rebuttal, "It's just a word! Get over it!"
Words are powerful. Words carry weight, and they mean something. Names and titles are very powerful. Look to the Bible for examples of that.
And it was the words that spoke the universe into being, that brought about all of creation.
So yes, they are very important.
Now let me be clear: I do not believe that Fr. Martin is intentionally leading people astray. I honestly don't. If I was ever given the chance to sit down and speak with him, I believe he would be very attentive, and would be respectful of my views and opinions.
That being said, after reading what I've read up to this point in the book, the main thing that I want to say to Fr. Martin would be, please call us what we really are.
If they're coming to a Catholic priest in the first place, something inside of them is dying to know the truth. They want to know what's real, and it's our duty as missionaries, as Christians, as their brothers and sisters, to lead them to Christ.
Identifying myself as an LGBT person isn't upholding my dignity, and so I would beg Fr. Martin to call me, and anyone else in my position, what I really am.
Call me a daughter of God. Call me the beloved of His Sacred Heart. Call me to holiness.
That's who I am. That's my identity.