Explaining My SSA
First of all, Happy Feast Day of the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary!
I was so overwhelmed by the positive response that I received on my open letter to my future husband last week. I'm so glad that you all enjoyed it, because I absolutely loved writing it.
A lot of you DMed me some great questions on Twitter about the letter (@diary476 follow me hayyyy) and I wanted to take some time to answer them. I made them fairly broad, because of lot of the questions were basically asking the same thing. I hope you all get the answers you were looking for!
How exactly do I struggle with SSA?
I've had quite of few of you ask before and after the letter was posted if I'm at all attracted to men. The simple answer is yes. But I think there's more to it than that.
In my case, I'm physically and emotionally attracted to women. Meaning I can see myself being physically intimate and making an emotional connection with a woman on a romantic level )even though I choose not to).
I'm only emotionally attracted to men.
Now, if it's God's Will for me to be married, it is quite possible that I won't be physically attracted to my husband. Does that mean that I will remain a virgin in my marriage? Absolutely not! I still want to be a mother, and I want to unify myself through the marital union with my husband.
That being said, it might be a bit difficult for me, but contrary to popular belief, just because something is difficult, does not mean that it's impossible.
But, there's a possibility that I could become sexually attracted to that man that I'm going to marry over time.
Ladies, did you ever find a guy really annoying, and then you got to know him a little better, and then you're like, ohh shoot... This is happening...
I think the same thing could happen with my sexual desires! They could very well during the time that I'm courting my future husband, so that's not something I worry too much about anymore.
Do you feel like you have to get married to a man because you're Catholic?
Absolutely not. I feel no pressure from the Catholic Church to be married to a man. That desire is inherent within me. That may not be the case for everyone, but it definitely is for me.
Technically, I don't even have to be married at all. I could live a perfectly full life as a single woman. I could dedicate my life to service, help in a church or in a specific faith community --- the doors of opportunity are wide open for me.
Would I love to be married? Definitely.
Do I have to be married to lead a full life? Not in the slightest.
What do you hope your future husbands initial reaction will be?
Well, if i know him at all, it'll be one of love, and of admiration. I think that he will learn to love the cross that I carry, and will be more than willing to carry it behind me.
I pray that he will be kind, compassionate, sensitive, and strong standing by my side. I wouldn't marry a man that was anything less than that for me.
I've been going through a lot as of late, and so much of my life has been spent fearing the future. But fear and anxiety isn't of God. I have nothing to be afraid of.
God's Will will be done, and whatever He has in store for my life will be what's best for me.
The Rosary has brought me so much comfort. The Word of God, especially in the Song of Songs, has lit my desire ablaze, and given me so much hope. But above all, knowing that there are so many of you out there praying for me, especially since I broke the news that I came out to my family, the grace of your prayers has been so overwhelming.
I'm so appreciative, and so thankful. You have no idea how much this all means to me.
If I am to be married, he will come around in due time.
Today, if you're reading this, say a little prayer for him.
I'm sure he'd appreciate that.