An Open Letter to My Future Husband
Dear Future Husband,
I've heard these beautiful stories of these amazing women writing letters to the men they marry later in life. I haven't seen too many as public as this one, but I thought that putting this letter out in the open would do a lot of good for a couple reasons.
One, it might actually get to you sooner. I'm not sure that I've even met you yet. But maybe, by Divine Providence, you'll see this letter, and know it's me you're called to marry.
Two, it could give other people hope for the future. So many of my friends desire to be married, but aren't having too much luck finding a good and holy spouse. I pray that this letter may give them some solace, and remind them to keep praying, and to wait on the Lord's perfect timing.
And lastly, I think this might clear up a few things about me to you (and others) that I'm sure you'll want to know, and you may be wondering about.
I want to tell you that I so greatly desire to marry you, but at the same time, I struggle with being attracted to other women.
Maybe you feel afraid, and you're not sure what to do. Believe me, I wouldn't blame you. I'd actually be a bit shocked if you didn't.
It definitely scares me, but I've learned not to let fear take control over my life and my joy.
Where love is, fear cannot exist. So please, don't be afraid of this.
By our very nature, we are called to exist in the love of God. We're called to prayer, and called outside of our comfort zones.
Maybe you feel uncomfortable. Don't let that be an excuse to walk away. Let it fuel your choice to love me all the more.
Pray, my brother, my love, that your fears will be taken away.
Maybe you don't feel strong enough, like the weight of this cross will be too burdensome for you to carry. But I'm here to tell you that you are so strong, so capable, and so brave. Our Lord wouldn't allow you to carry such a burden if He knew you couldn't bear it.
The scars on your back say you've fought, and you can continue fighting. You're a knight in rugged and tattered armor, one who's seen battle, and one who refuses to back down.
Pray my brother, my love, that you won't walk away from suffering.
Maybe you feel unprepared, like you're not sure this is something you can handle. Maybe this is because we haven't met. Maybe this is why we haven't met.
We can't stir love before its time. Until we meet, until we know, go to God out of love for Him, asking him to prepare your heart for that day, for the love that He's called you to.
Call me your sister before you ever call me your lover, and call upon God now and forever asking for His Will to be done in you.
When the time God has set does come, we will be ready, and we will know.
Pray my brother, my love, that you will be given the strength to carry this cross with me.
Maybe you feel your love won't be totally reciprocated, that you'll be more in love than I will.
I understand, truly I do, but you have nothing to fear.
The day you put your hand to the latch of the door to my heart, you'll know that my desire is so strong for you.
Even now, sitting here writing this letter, I'm overcome with the desire to love you. You are enough. You are the one whom my soul loves, and I am so sick with love for you.
Pray my brother, my love, that you will never doubt God's love, or my love for you.
Maybe you, my brother, my love and my future husband, are reading this letter. Maybe you can't help but wonder why I was given the cross of Same-Sex Attractions. Yes, I do struggle with SSA, but that could never hinder my desire to love you.
My cross is beautiful, and it draws me nearer to Christ. It calls me outside of myself, and calls me to love in a way that is unique to this struggle.
I firmly believe that I'll learn to love in the most profound way, because my love won't be based on feeling or attraction. I will choose to love, and I'm not sure I would've learned this important lesson without my cross.
We as Catholics know that love is not simply an emotion, but a choice. A choice of self-sacrifice, a choice to receive the grace of God to serve and to die for the beloved.
Every day, I will wake up and make the conscious decision to love you, and I hope that you will do the same for me.
A good and holy marriage is a window into the very life and love of God, of the Blessed Trinity. I want us to be a beautiful image of God to the world.
Do you?
Pray my brother, my love, that we will mirror the life and the love of God who chose us for each other.
Pray for all of these things, and I will pray the same, too.