Please, Call Me to Sanctity
So I took a Twitter pole asking you guys of I should share my borderline horrific Confession experience from this past Sunday, and the overwhelming response was "Yes." So today, I've come to spill all of the tea.
BUT! Let's get some things straight.
I'm not about to out this man and ruin his reputation. I know that he was honestly under the impression that he was doing the right thing, and that he was helping me.
Nevertheless, he was not helpful. Like, at all. And I know that there are people out there that have had similar experiences in one way or another. So, I still need to address this.
I won't say his name, what parish he was at, or any of that, so if you came here for that, I apologize.
But not really.
So I try to go to Confession once a week or once every two weeks. It's a good habit to have, and there's nothing bad about keeping a clean soul.
The Church that I went to has an amazing priest, very caring and compassionate, so I've started attending there frequently. But, I forgot he was out to town this week. I didn't think this was a problem, so I thought nothing of it.
I usually know the priests that cover Masses for him, but I had never seen this particular priest that walked in.
Still unbothered by this, I went into the Confessional, and I sat down facing him.
Now, this whole confession was just a mess, but I'm going to skip all the excess fluff and get straight to the point where I mentioned to him that I struggled with SSA.
He started off by saying that he thinks that this issue is not at all an issue, which I thought was okay. I mean when I think about my SSA, I try not to make it to big of a deal, you know? So that didn't really raise a flag for me.
Until 2.5 seconds later, when this whole conversation went to Hell in a hand basket.
He told me that he honestly doesn't believe that acting on my Same-Sex Attractions is wrong.
On this day in particular, I really just had to stop and thank God that I'm so strong in my convictions. Given that advice from a Roman Catholic Priest, I would be having a serious crisis of faith right about now if I didn't have the firm beliefs that I do.
With that being said, others that he might have come across (or will come across in the future) might not be as convicted as me. And that is frightens me the most. He could lead several people astray with this false teaching, and that's a horrifying reality to me.
Even with my strong convictions, I've felt the damage from this priest affecting me spiritual journey. The Evil One has been trying to tempt me, nagging at me saying things like, "He's a Catholic priest. He told you that it's okay? You don't trust him? What kind of faithful Catholic are you?"
I've been raised spiritually on the backs of extremely faithful and devout priests all my life, and been trained to trust them as my spiritual fathers. And a small part of me felt somewhat guilty for not only not wanting to trust this priest, but also having the desire to correct him, and possibly report him so that no one else has to be fed false doctrine.
I honestly felt guilty, and I shouldn't have. After keeping this blog, and all of the messages and e-mails that I've gotten from people, I know that I'm doing good work.
Still, it took one dangerously mislead man, and 15 minutes in the confessional to let a small seed of doubt be planted in the back of my mind.
I was scared. In all honesty, I still am.
This picture here is of me standing by the altar at St. Joseph's Chapel at Spring Hill College near where I live (this event did not happen here, I just really like this picture).
Beautiful, isn't it? There's the very unique, mystical beauty that only the Catholic Church has, and I wouldn't want to miss out on this for anything in the world.
And I'm not about to miss out on the goodness, truth, and beauty of the Catholic Church simply because I struggle with SSA.
I rarely get really angry about anything, but I am just so heated because I want to see change, and I feel as though I need to do something to spark that change.
Even if I do the littlest thing, like write this blog post just speaking my mind, I'll do this with the greatest love that I have in my heart. I'll do this because I love my brothers and sisters who struggle with SSA, and I want them to know the truth.
They DESERVE to know the truth! And anything less would be a disservice to them. Anything less, and we would all be failing to be Christ to them, which is what we were put on this earth to do.
We are called to be Christ-like. We are called to be holy. We are called to be saints, and just because I have SSA does not in anyway mean that I am less capable of achieving holiness as someone who doesn't.
So please, for the love of God, treat me like I can become a saint one day.
Because if I wholeheartedly agree to do the will of God in my life, I will be.
I will never be able to stress this enough, my friends. Please, do not be afraid to call me to holiness. Please, don't be afraid to tell me that I'm worthy of sainthood. PLEASE! I promise you, I want to be a saint. I do! And I know that that desire is present in other people in my position as well.
Please, don't take that away from me. This priest --- he very well could have set the wheels in motion for the Evil One to rob my sanctity from me. The thought is terrifying to me...
But I will be holy, and nothing and no one is going to take that away from me.
Yes, I am angry. But it's that holy anger that drives me to pray for this man, and to pray for priests everywhere that minister to people who come to them baring this cross on their backs. I can't imagine what that must be like, and these men need ur prayers.
Storm Heaven with prayers that they will overcome the temptations of the Evil One, and that Our Lady, the Refuge of Sinners and the Untier of Knots will untwist in them and in all of us what sin has twisted.
My heart is burdened today, but I still say praise be to God. Because this happened to me, I can allow God to do good in me. All that matters to me is that God's Will is done in me. Pray for me that I will be courageous enough to listen.
On a more positive little side note, my little sister turns 15 today, so say a little prayer for her today if you would!
Pray for me, guys, and know that I'm praying for you.