Why I Quit Asking Why

I want to keep this one short and sweet, for both your sake and mine. :)

I really just want to tell you to quit searching for answers to the question of "why am I gay"?

Now, here's why I advise that....

I did it for years, and it got me nowhere. Literally. Nowhere.

It actually made the cross harder to bear if you can believe that. If you're like me, I bet you can.

I was the kid in theology class who loved "Free Question Friday". You wanna guess why? It's because there were people in those classes braver than me who would ask the hard questions about homosexuality, and I'd get answers to mine without having to potentially expose myself.

You might be thinking, "that's any person's dream!" But it really isn't. It only brought more shame and negative self talk because I was made more aware of the fact that only a few others would ask these questions, and in some way relate to to what was being asked. It made me feel more alone.

Segway back to the original point. Those "free" answers to my questions made me want more answers to questions such as: "what in my life caused this disorderliness? Who in my life caused it? How can I fix it?"

I can't tell you how many articles I've read on the psychological causes of homosexuality. I actually made my cross bigger by trying to pin down the exact moment that "changed"me and caused me to have "disordered desires". That is until I had a good friend/mentor explain to me that it really was a misuse of my time to looking for answers that simply might not exist. (Btw the reason disordered desires is in quotes is because I really don't like that phrase). 😂

Looking back on it, I can see that I did, in fact, waste so much time and energy doing pining for answers while also causing the emotional cross to become exponentially heavier. I bet Jesus was shaking his head at me wondering why his precious daughter was burdening herself with something that didn't matter. Why his precious daughter made herself crazy over the little inconsequential details that he could, can, and will always see past. Why his precious daughter couldn't see past her flaws enough to accept that no matter what, she was, is, and will always be loved.

So, if you're making yourself crazy searching for answers as to why you are one way or another, I beg of you to stop. Please give it to the Lord. He wants to make your burden lighter.

Knowing why you experience SSA won't magically make it go away. (I speak from experience). So why worry yourself with it when you could just be glorifying the Lord, infirmities and all. That's all he wants from you. He wants you to find peace in who he created you to be. He wants you to find your identity in him.

Above all you are beautiful, you are loved, and you are his; you shouldn't have to ask why.

P.S. This ended up being longer than intended, sorry... 😂

AMDG