Divine Intimacy, and Perfect Love
Sitting down to write feels so empty to me without some form of music playing in the background. My thoughts and words seem to flow onto the page far more effectively and beautifully as I listen to my "Legend of Zelda Songs" playlist on YouTube.
Sometimes I will also go back and listen to the Eucharistic Adoration videos on FOCUS's SEEK 2017 playlist. I love hearing the band play "Wonder" by Bethel Music.
While I was browsing through those videos the other day, I saw one of the talks that I thought was absolutely phenomonal, actually one of the best ones of the entire conference, even though it was only 15 minutes long.
It was the talk on "Divine Intimacy" given by Sr. Miriam James Heidland, who is one of my favorite Catholic speakers. The power, and the intensity, and the beauty that she exudes when she speaks is like nothing I've ever experienced before, and I hope that I have can mimic even a fraction of that one day.
She mentioned in her talk something about the five transcendental desires of the human person. These are the five things that every single one of us desire by our very nature as human beings. They are Perfect Love, Perfect Goodness, Perfect Truth, Perfect Beauty, and Perfect Home. And I want to talk about the first of these today, the desire for Perfect Love, in relation to dealing with Same-Sex Attractions.
Every single human being desires to love and to be loved. No one can deny that no matter how hard they try.
Having been created for God and by God, who in Himself is a community of Persons who love each other so greatly that it had to be poured out, we desire that same exact love, that Perfect Love rooted in the desires of every human heart.
People who struggle with SSA are no different. We desire to give love and to be loved. But I think fulfilling this desire can be exceptionally hard for us, and I think that there are several reasons why this is. One of them has been on my mind lately because of Pride Month.
We, as a society, have become people who are predominately pleasure seeking, which has become deep seeded in our views on relationships and sex. When it comes down to it, we want whatever it is that we desire, and those desires have become flawed.
When I wanted to act out on my homosexual desires, I honestly thought I was happy. I did everything I could to numb that underlying agony that deep in my heart, I knew I could never totally ignore. That is the desire for Perfect Love, that another woman can never give to me, and no man could ever give to me either.
That Perfect Love, is the Divine Intimacy that only comes from a relationship with God. That love is tasted only when the Eucharist touches our lips, and our knees are bent in prayer, and our hearts and minds ponder the goodness of Heaven.
I firmly believe that we experience little ecstacies when we enter into fervent and humble prayer. Where we go to God, in humble surrender, and we go into the calm and the stillness in that secret place where we can be one with Him. That intimacy is what we desire, that unity with He who created is for Himself out of the purest love. That intimacy is where all of the chaos is quelled for me. The every day sorrows that I experience may not go away, but I am made fully aware that my Lord is there with me. He carries the cross with me, and we go to Calvary together.
No one can escape suffering in this life. No one can escape that desire for Love, either.
When I enter into that intimacy with God, when His Word and His essence lights that fire in me, that's when I know I can carry my cross and carry it well. I'm not afraid there, and I know that God is there with me.
I love this statue of St. Teresa of Avila in ecstasy. It's one of my favorite pieces of art. Jesus, appearing to St. Teresa in such a profound and intimate way, mesmerized her. In small ways, we can experience God in this way. This is what will make carrying our crosses in life sweet and beautiful.
Divine Intimacy has revealed Christ to me, and is the reason why I can reveal myself to all of you. I now understand that trading the Perfect Love Divine Intimacy with God promises for the counterfeit given by another woman is rejecting all that I truly desire.
I desire Perfect Love and Divine Intimacy with God. My life, even struggling with SSA, is more beautiful because of that love.