Ministering to Persons with Same-Sex Attractions
Recently I had a good friend reach out to me on Twitter asking me if I could set a well known priest and LGBT advocate straight about how to minister to people who experience Same-Sex Attractions.
Not sure how I would ever get to said priest, but I thought this would make an excellent topic for me to delve into regardless.
So, I want to share my thoughts on what not only priests and spiritual directors but friends and family can do to minister to persons struggling with SSA.
For Priests/Spiritual Directors
Blessed be God for the priesthood, first of all. I honestly don't know where I would be without the incredible guidance of my spiritual fathers.
Something that was so crucial and so important to me in regards to Spiritual Direction was my Spiritual Director made me feel loved. He reassured me that I was loved by God.
He would say over and over, again and again, "You are so good. You are so good." The sound of his voice is so sweet, and his profound message gets to me every time.
I think it's extremely important that persons with SSA know that they are loved by God, and by their communities. This is an extremely lonely cross to carry, and we need that support around us.
It's also important that priests and spiritual directors help persons with SSA in their prayer life. Prayer is especially essential because dealing with SSA can result in a lack of intimacy. I recommend leading them to the Scriptures; see where they are spiritually, what it is that they are dealing with and struggling with the most. Provide them with passages to read over and ponder, and then ask them about what they learned in your next session.
Also, in the Confessional, I would strongly recommend staying away from the "3 Hail Marys" penance. Sure, praying the Hail Mary is great and all, but we get that every time.
I would suggest giving them Scriptures to read like I mentioned before, or asking them to pray one mystery of the Rosary and really meditating on what it means. Another good one that I've received is spending five minutes in the chapel with Jesus, or praying the surrender prayer, or the Litany of Humility. Give them something catered to their needs. That has meant the world to me up to this point.
One last thing, see these directees often. Once a week if at all possible, but if not, once every two weeks. We absolutely need to attention and guidance.
For Friends and Family
I've mentioned in a previous post that I announced that I experience SSA on Twitter (@diary476 follow me hayyyy). I got several replies and a couple private messages here and there promising prayers, giving support, and praise for speaking up about my struggles. Some were from people that I didn't know, and the rest were from friends. You couldn't wipe the smile from my face that night. I was so encouraged by and thankful for my beautiful friendships that I knew were only going to grow deeper. Those instances are what mean the most to me.
If you know anyone who struggles with Same-Sex Attraction, please don't shun them. Every human being that breathes in the air of this earth is going to struggle in some way, but our struggles might not look the same.
I may not be able to change the fact that I'm attracted to other women, but I sure can control what I do about it. Be there to encourage us to be better. Be there to witness to us, to be Christ to us.
And for the love of God, don't be afraid to talk to us about it! I'm literally texting a new friend of mine back and forth about my personal struggles and how I want to lead people closer to Heaven through my struggles. Don't push people to talk if they aren't ready by any means, but having genuine conversations, sharing your thoughts and feelings over a cup of coffee or a night out with their friends, that's what we need.
Many of us that struggle with SSA might not ever get married. People associate sex with intimacy, and that's about it. But I know that that isn't true.
I receive intimacy when my friend gives me a hug after I've had a hard time, or just because it's 5:30 on a Friday and why not?
I receive intimacy when my friend from out of town calls me when we see something go down on Twitter and we need to sip all the tea.
I receive intimacy when people say thank you for sharing my story, and that they like my blog posts.
Honestly, guys, it doesn't take much. We desire community and unity just like everyone else. We're really not that different.
And no matter if you're a priest, a friend, a brother or sister, aunt or uncle, whatever---pray for us. Lift us up to God, asking Him to give us the strength we need to carry this cross. Know that prayer truly does work, and that we appreciate the fact that you would include us in your special intentions to God.
Know that I sure do.
All and all, don't see people with Same-Sex Attractions as people who need the rules bent for us to get by. We are strong, and we are brave. This cross was given to us because our Lord saw strength in us, and He believed that we can carry it.
I'm strong enough to handle this. I can do it.
Call me to chastity. Call me to sanctity.
Because believe me, the greatest saint of this age, will be someone who struggles with Same-Sex Attraction.
Know that yes, this cross is one of the heaviest that I carry.
But it is also, by far, the most beautiful one.