I Am My Father's Daughter
Growing up, I wasn't surrounded by too many men that were positive role models for me. I had a few here and there, but they were few and far between.
Often times, I wonder if I ran into the arms of women and began desiring intimacy from women because of a lack of exposure to true, strong, and authentic masculinity in my younger years. But, that's a topic that I can dive into deeper another day.
I searched for that. I searched for good men, and barely found any. And up until very recently, aside from my spiritual directors and a few friends, my search was coming up empty, which in turn, left me feeling very empty.
Until, I stumbled across my Father.
"St. Joseph, be a father to me now, and forever."
I'm so comforted by this prayer, and I am so comforted by this man. With it being Father's Day, I feel it's appropriate to share how much of a blessing accepting the paternal love and care of the Spiritual Father of Jesus has been for me.
I love how he knows me. He knows I'm afraid of how I feel, and he knows how much I desire to be loved.
St. Joseph has no recorded words in the Bible, but some of his actions spoke volumes to me, and I knew I had to take a closer look into his mystery.
I've reflected deeply on what's referred to as the "Doubt of St. Joseph." This is the instance in the Infancy Narrative of Christ where St. Joseph discovered that his betrothed, the Blessed Virgin Mary, is pregnant.
I think it can get easy for us to miss the significance of certain instances in the Bible. I know I missed this for the longest time.
St. Joseph comes to find out that his Bride-to-Be is with child, and the child isn't his.
Not technically, anyway.
During that time, he was filled with doubts. He wasn't sure how or why such a thing had happened, or what he was supposed to do about it.
I'm sure he had so many questions, like, "Why would such a thing happen to me?" "What is God's plan now?" "What am I to do?"
I ask myself those same questions very frequently.
But the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream, and reassured him. He had to have great faith in his Father in Heaven to do all that he was asked. This lowly carpenter, this just and gentle man was given the great task of protecting God Himself, and he humbly accepted this task.
Now I am in no way equating being the foster father of God Himself and struggling with Same-Sex Attraction. Don't get me wrong. What I am saying though, this that St. Joseph was human. He had doubts and fears, and he was at times unsure of the plans that our Lord had for him.
But he trusted in God. He was faithful and true, and he carried his crosses well up until the end. I want to be like that. I want to bear the same virtues that he did, and that's why I look to him as a model.
I'll often imagine myself on St. Joseph's lap, crying into his chest, and saying how hard this is for me. It's such a heavy burden, and I know that he knows that.
Then, I'd see him point to his Son, Jesus, and I'll have a beautiful revelation.
He raised Jesus to go to Calvary.
Think about that for a moment. Remember Simeon's prophecy at the Presentation in the Temple? St. Joseph knew what Jesus was destined for. He also knew that he wasn't going to be there to walk with his son.
What agony must have flooded his just heart... What pain and suffering he must have carried all through his life.
And yet, he gave everything to Jesus. He protected Him, he cared for Him, and he prepared Him for the Cross.
Brothers and Sisters, he can do the same for us.
I firmly believe that he will make great saints out of those who struggle with Same-Sex Attraction that would only come to him for help. He is working on me as we speak, and will continue to work on me until the day he takes my hand, and leads me to the Father on the day of my judgement.
St. Teresa of Avila, another one of my favorite saints, has a beautiful quote about the patronage of St. Joseph that I want to share with you.
"I wish I could persuade everyone to be devoted to the glorious St. Joseph, for I have great experience of the blessings which he can obtain from God... I only request, for the love of God, whoever will not believe me will test the truth of what I say, for he will see by experience how great a blessing it is to recommend oneself to this glorious patriarch and be devoted to him."
You, my friends, go to Him. Ask him today and every day to be a father to you.
I promise, he will not disappoint you.