Dark Nights, Beautiful Dawns

So many times, while carrying this Cross, I've fallen under the weight of the beams.

It's so intense. It's so overwhelming. It's so painful...

There's this song by this artist my grandma likes. And some of the lyrics

are, "If you think you're lonely now, / wait til tonight."

Ohhhh the accuracy...

It's quiet, I'm all alone with my thoughts, my insecurities come creeping up to the surface, and sometimes it gets tough to even breathe.

"Dark Nights" are fairly common for me. Now I'm no St. John of the Cross, but I feel as though we all suffer from Dark Nights to a certain extent.

A "Dark Night of the Soul" was a term St. John of the Cross used to describe the state in which he felt no consolation in his soul from our Lord. He felt cut off from God, almost like God had abandoned him.

St. Teresa of Calcutta suffered from something very similar. For the majority of her life she felt no consolation in her soul from our Lord.

This kind of pain... I don't even want to begin to ponder how they must have felt. But, if what I've been experiencing for the past few years of my life, and even worse the last 6 months, I can't phathom how I would react.

I've been reading through the Diary of St. Faustina for the past two and a half years, and to hear her describe what she went through...

All of these saints suffered so much excruciating pain, and yet, look at where they are. I keep wanting to give up, just let the weight of the Cross crush me.

Remember the person that gave up when things got tough?

Neither does anyone else.

These saints got through everything that they suffered because they kept their eyes on the dawn. They knew their Dark Night wasn't the end of the story.

They kept their eyes on the light of Christ's Face, even when He was hard to find.

Struggling with SSA --- not only as a practicing Catholic, but as a human being --- is so incredibly difficult. We know that neither man and man nor woman and woman can ever be complimentary or fulfilling to the two persons involved. We were never meant to be fulfilled in the marital union with a person of the same sex. And in our heart of hearts, we all know this.

Now specifically as Catholics, we know about redemptive suffering. We know that we're called to offer up our sufferings to Christ on the Cross, and that we're called to be Crucified with Him. We are called to lay down our lives for others, especially those that we may fall for.

There's a beautiful dawn waiting after the darkest night for all of us. We just have to remember that.

This storm will pass over us, and Easter Sunday will follow Good Friday.

Hallelujah has to be our song. We're too beautiful for it not to be. We all have to keep fighting. We all have to fighting the good fight until it's all over.

One night, maybe go outside and watch the sun rise. Watch how the tiniest speck of light drives out so much of the darkness. And watch the sun come up and drive away night. The grace and mercy of our Lord will drive out the darkness in your life, too.

Dark Nights come, and Beautiful Dawns follow.

We all have to keep fighting.

Holiness is the Goal. Heaven is the goal.

Anything less would be Hell.