Same-Sex Attractions and the Divine Indwelling
My Uncle always has these amazing games to play with family every year during the holidays. I look forward to playing these games every year, and it's especially fun to watch my family members that don't get the game squirm.
I'm so mean, I know...
One of the games that we played for Christmas this year is called "Building a Bridge." The object of the game is to build good bridges or bad bridges, and understand what differentiates the two. I won't spoil the game for you, but it's a pretty simple concept that many people look over.
I want to say that this game went on for about 15-20 minutes, and it took some of my family about that long to get the game because they were overthinking it. I was talking to my Uncle later that night about the spiritual life, and he told me that the most powerful messages from God are often very simple, just like that game.
It really got me thinking about how much I overlook God's powerful messages to me because I try to make things too complex, and how maybe I've become desensitized to some of Christ's most profound messages all because I feel like I've heard them all before.
One of the messages I know I've overlooked is something that I want to start deep diving into on this blog as well as my IMHOH apostolate as a whole, and that's the reality of the Presence of the Trinity in our souls, also known as the Divine Indwelling.
Over the past couple of months, I've consistently heard the name "Sr. Elizabeth of the Trinity" mentioned in casual conversation or in books I've been reading. The last book I read called Jesus in You: The Indwelling of the Trinity in the Souls of the Just by Dr. Mark Miravalle, which has drastically changed my life, brought her up yet again, which is why I finally decided that I needed to check this religious sister out.
St. Elizabeth, if you aren't very familiar with her, was a Carmelite sister who lived from 1880 to 1906; she was a French mystic and spiritual writer. What drew me to her the most was that she has been called the Saint of the Divine Indwelling.
In my personal studies as of late, I've been reading from saints like St. Teresa of Avila and St. Therese the Little Flower, both of which talk about the Divine Indwelling in some way. St. Teresa of Avila, in The Interior Castle, talks a great deal about the Seventh Mansion, where God intimately dwells within the soul of every human person. St. Therese offered herself to God as a victim of Merciful Love on the Feast of the Trinity! St. Elizabeth was greatly inspired by these two women, and I have been too.
But what inspires me most is this realization that all three women had about the reality of how real and how tangible the Presence of God was within their souls.
St. Elizabeth, at around nineteen years old, began to feel this Presence within her. "It seems to me as though He was there," she would say to her friend, clutching her chest as if trying to hold Him in her hands.
I've been so enthralled by the idea of the Divine Indwelling over the past few weeks, and I've been noticing some changes going on within me because of my study of this.
And to be quite honest, I'm beginning to wonder if the Divine Indwelling is the solution to the many problems faced by those with SSA.
In my personal experience, the main issue that comes along with my SSA is this lack of intimacy, of feeling so lonely and desiring affection and attention. So many people, I think this goes especially for men with SSA, are ostracized because of it. They're excluded by their peers and are left facing the loneliness of a closeted life, or the open arms of the LGBTQ+ community. We're not told that there's another way out, and even when we do learn of this, many of us run into people like Fr. James Martin, SJ, who leave us even more confused or trick us into believing his false doctrine.
The more I ponder the things that Fr. James Martin teaches, the more that I don't believe He fully understands the reality of something like the Divine Indwelling. He says that we need attention and affection, and then insists that we settle for this lesser love that we aren't called to!
Does he not understand that the intimacy that we ultimately desire is that of God's unfailing love and tender compassion? Does he not realize that if we are looking for real love, we need only to turn inward, and look to the Truine God, our First Love, and find Him waiting there for us?
We are called to the heights of holiness and the greatest of loves, nothing less. The love that we search so desperately for is not something that I can find in the embrace of another woman.
"You must seek Me in thyself," Jesus told St. Teresa; it is there that we find what we are so desperately searching for.
"He who eats my flesh and drinks my blood abides in me, and I in him."
John 6:55 (RSV)
I've looked over this simple fact for so long; and I don't wish to ever do so again. Much like the people who didn't get the Building the Bridge game, I'm assuming.
This Christmas season, I'm reminded that God is not only with us, but within us. I am reminded not to go looking for love where it cannot be found, but instead to look where I've forgotten He can be found.
I know God is within me now, my dear friends.
When we realize that, everything changes.