A Light to the Nations
Last night, a went with a bunch of friends to the Penny & Sparrow concert at the House of Blues in New Orleans. The show was absolutely fantastic; Andy and Kyle's stage presence is like nothing I've ever seen, I got to hear some of my favorite songs and came back with whole host of new ones, and it was just an incredible experience.
But I think one of the coolest things about that concert last night was that I got to meet a longtime fan of this blog in person!
I get a lot of compliments and messages about this blog, and trust me they make my heart soar out of this world, but it's a different story when you get to meet people that you've had an impact on in person.
Being able to have an in person encounter with my now good friend reassured me that I have a voice that people listen to, and that the work that I do is not simply for me anymore. My call to be a light to the the nations became so tangible and so real last night, and I'm so thankful for everything that this blog has become.
One of the greatest compliments I've ever received was someone telling me not too long ago that I reminded them of Simeon, the righteous man who was awaiting the coming of the Savior.
"Lord, now let your servant depart in peace, according to your word;
for my eyes have seen your salvation which you have prepared in the presence of all peoples,
a light to reveal you to the nations,
and for the glory to your people Israel."
She told me that to her, I embodied his spirit, how we waited on and had tremendous faith in the Lord, and that I gave her hope.
I think the whole reason that I took that to heart was because I feel as though God may be calling me to reveal my heart and the light of Christ's face within me to a great multitude of people.
This morning, I read a review by Eve Tushnet (the author of the book Gay and Catholic) on Fr. James Martin's book which I've spoken about before. Eve said something so beautiful that I really want to share with you.
Talking about people living with same-sex desires, she said we "who accept celibacy out of obedience to our churches face challenges common to all Christian disciples. We also face the all-too-common LGBT experiences of violence, discrimination and isolation. And we have the unique experience of trying to serve and love in churches that often seem embarrassed by our existence and silent about our futures" (emphasis mine).
I have experienced opposition on both sides of the spectrum. I've heard homophobic slurs thrown around in my vicinity, mostly from people not bold enough to say it to my face but are perfectly okay with saying it to their friends who then come and tell me about it.
I've heard from some Catholics who say I'm being hateful to people like me because "who on earth would ever not act on their same-sex attractions?"
I've also gotten some flack from super traditional Catholics who think that I am somehow sick because I have SSA. Like I have this terrible disease that needs to be cured.
(Please let me know if you find the cure for same-sex desires, by the way. That would be absolutely fascinating to see!)
There's all kinds of opposition that comes along with the every day struggles of living with attractions to the same sex. They make it so difficult to live with, and they add so much weight to an already burdensome cross that I've been asked to carry.
But, it also puts me in a beautiful position to be a light to the nations, to go out and meet the bridegroom at midnight, and call others to come with me to meet Him as well.
Over and over again, people will ask me why I would choose to suffer the way that I do. It would be so much easier just to give in, to live the lifestyle, and to let myself feel what I so desperately want to feel.
What the people asking this question fail to realize is that their understanding of love isn't my understanding.
My knowledge of love is a Person, is a Man who asks me to take up my cross, and follow Him. A Man who was crucified, and who asks me to mount my cross with Him, and who, if I do these things, invite me into paradise with Him.
So yes, I do suffer. I suffer every single day, almost every single moment. But I have been told never to compare the sufferings of this life to the joy that is to come (Romans 8:18).
At the end of my time on earth, I hope to be able to look into the face of death and not be afraid, for the eyes of my heart have seen the salvation of God, and the glory of the people of Israel.