Someone Needs to See Christ in Me
I was taking an early morning scroll through Instagram this morning, and I came across an article by Ms. Katie Prejean-McGrady about being a Catholic Speaker, which you can check out here.
A little bit of backstory for you. I heard Katie speak while she was still Katie Prejean at a Youth Conference on the beach in Alabama. I was still in high school at the time. I was absolutely blown away by how dope of an individual she was. We got our picture taken together (which I can't find to save my life) we talked for a minute, and she was just too cool. I absolutely loved her, and I knew I wanted to be just like her.
At that point in time though, I really didn't have too much to talk about (or so I thought). Now, six or seven years later, I definitely think I do.
A couple of weeks ago, I got had a conversation with Ms. Jackie Francios-Angel about what it took to become a Catholic Speaker. She said that a lot of our favorite Catholic Speakers today never really planned to become speakers! They were simply faithful to God, willing to do His Will, and BAM! Catholic Speaker.
I noticed that the same thing happened with me following this path of keeping this blog. It was not at all my intention to have it grow in popularity the way that it has, or be interviewed about it or anything like that. It honestly just happened by the grace of God, and it's amazing.
It has made me wonder where God is taking me next, and honestly, I would love to become a Catholic Speaker. And I'd love to be a speaker for one reason, and one reason only.
There's someone out there that needs to see Christ in me.
I'll get DM after DM, message after message of people thanking me for showing them that they are not alone in the struggle with SSA and being a practicing Catholic. What people don't really realize is that I honestly believe that this experience has been so incredibly profound for me as well. For years, I hid and I ran from what I was feeling. I tried to ignore a piece of my human experience, and it was absolute torture. Now, for some reason, I get to use my human experience to impact other people. I get to share my life with people, and somehow that helps them, and I get to help them grow closer to Christ.
One of my favorite lines from Katie's blog post what when she said that the goal is to create "moments of authentic encounter with others as I further pursue Jesus myself and hopefully help them in their own pursuit." That's all I want to do! That's what I want to do for the rest of my life! That's what brings me joy, and that's where I get to have these authentic experiences with God.
I want to share what I've learned, and I want people to be able to experience what I've experienced. Yeah it's really cool when people compliment me and give me praise for doing the work that I've done, but at the end of the day, that's not my mission.
I want to be the Catholic Speaker that I needed to hear from when I was younger.
I want to set big goals for myself as I make my way into the world, doing what God calls me to do. But I don't want to make any monetary goals. No post views or subscriber goals.
I want to set growth goals. "Today, I want to make one person smile."
"Today, I want to impact someone's life, and show them Christ in me."
No one told me that Christ still loved me even though I struggled with SSA --- not directly, anyway. And I do not want that to be the case for anyone else ever again.
I want to be the person that I needed back then, when I sat alone in my bedroom in the dark, wishing that I could just curl up in a ball, close my eyes, and never open them again.
I want to respond to God's call to be the light of the world to someone.
If I can be Christ to one person --- just one single person --- I'll know I did something right.
Honestly, that's all I want. I think that's all I've ever wanted.
I don't really want to be counted among all the famous Catholic Speakers, or get up on the stage at Steubie Conferences or at SEEK. No. I want to help people see what Christ has done for me. That's the most important part. That's what counts. Nothing else matters but those on the other side of the stage, and their relationship with Christ. If I could help that facilitate that relationship, or help that relationship grow, praise be to God.
At the end of my life, I want nothing left but the light of Christ's Holy Face deep within my wounds. I want to radiate His love, and His mercy. I want Him.
I want God.
That's all, and that's more than enough.